Finish the Paperwork!

Have you ever filed for divorce?  No?  Really?  Well... if there is ANY possible you can avoid it, do!  My brain has been sucked out of my head and deposited all over the universe.  Why are there so many rules?  Why can't I just sign one piece of paper?  Talk about a process that really messes with your mind.

I've been reading, dissecting and becoming one with my Christmas present to myself, a book titled, Do It Yourself Divorce.  So, now I've read it and I think I understand it pretty well.  Basically, tomorrow is the day that I can officially file.  I have established my residency in California... tomorrow will be exactly 6 months.  For the grand sum of $395 paid to the court, my case begins.  Hmmm... my case officially begins, my marriage officially ends.  Bittersweet.

I really didn't want to have more than one spouse in my life.  I had these amazingly romantic notions of growing old with the one I love.  Sitting on a front porch on my farm, rocking in a swing with the love of my life, reminiscing about the good old days.  But I don't have a farm, a swing or a front porch for that matter.  So... I guess it's really not that big of a deal if I don't have a love of my life right now either.  Maybe I just need to focus on what I do have and work from there.  It is a better place to be, recognizing the good in your life - compared to missing something you don't even have.

I've procrastinated long enough.  I'm going to fill out the forms.  Tomorrow is the big day.  

Online Dating is Worth It?

Well... I realize that if I don't try online dating,  I might as well become a nun.  Where in the world would I meet someone?  Trader Joe's?  Work?  Church?  Doesn't seem very realistic, so I'm giving it a shot.  I posted my profile on greensingles.com.  So far it is the only site that doesn't completely freak me out having my picture on it.  Everyone on there is a happy hippy, perhaps the love of my life is out there and will find me with just a single click.

Strange how having someone in your life is so important.  I wonder why it is that I am so content on finding that certain someone.  I think because it is something I have never had.  Sure, I was in a marriage for 12 years.  But it wasn't real.  We had some good moments, but I wasn't really loved for who I was and I suppose I didn't equally love my spouse back.  It is sad, isn't it?  Why does that happen?  How is there a spark so strong in the beginning and then it just goes?  There were a lot of signs when dating that it wasn't right... but I was very young and didn't quite know what to do.  

I know that being in a relationship can be difficult and that you have to make compromises.  I understand that it isn't always a walk in the park... but I believe I have the personality for it to truly be a walk in the park.  I just have to find that certain someone that is a good match for me.  Who will be that perfect someone?  Who will come into my life, with a song in their heart and love in their eyes?  When will it happen?  Will I have to search or will he just show up on my doorstep?  Oh life... you are tricky.