Have you ever filed for divorce? No? Really? Well... if there is ANY possible you can avoid it, do! My brain has been sucked out of my head and deposited all over the universe. Why are there so many rules? Why can't I just sign one piece of paper? Talk about a process that really messes with your mind.
I've been reading, dissecting and becoming one with my Christmas present to myself, a book titled, Do It Yourself Divorce. So, now I've read it and I think I understand it pretty well. Basically, tomorrow is the day that I can officially file. I have established my residency in California... tomorrow will be exactly 6 months. For the grand sum of $395 paid to the court, my case begins. Hmmm... my case officially begins, my marriage officially ends. Bittersweet.
I really didn't want to have more than one spouse in my life. I had these amazingly romantic notions of growing old with the one I love. Sitting on a front porch on my farm, rocking in a swing with the love of my life, reminiscing about the good old days. But I don't have a farm, a swing or a front porch for that matter. So... I guess it's really not that big of a deal if I don't have a love of my life right now either. Maybe I just need to focus on what I do have and work from there. It is a better place to be, recognizing the good in your life - compared to missing something you don't even have.
I've procrastinated long enough. I'm going to fill out the forms. Tomorrow is the big day.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Online Dating is Worth It?
Well... I realize that if I don't try online dating, I might as well become a nun. Where in the world would I meet someone? Trader Joe's? Work? Church? Doesn't seem very realistic, so I'm giving it a shot. I posted my profile on greensingles.com. So far it is the only site that doesn't completely freak me out having my picture on it. Everyone on there is a happy hippy, perhaps the love of my life is out there and will find me with just a single click.
Strange how having someone in your life is so important. I wonder why it is that I am so content on finding that certain someone. I think because it is something I have never had. Sure, I was in a marriage for 12 years. But it wasn't real. We had some good moments, but I wasn't really loved for who I was and I suppose I didn't equally love my spouse back. It is sad, isn't it? Why does that happen? How is there a spark so strong in the beginning and then it just goes? There were a lot of signs when dating that it wasn't right... but I was very young and didn't quite know what to do.
I know that being in a relationship can be difficult and that you have to make compromises. I understand that it isn't always a walk in the park... but I believe I have the personality for it to truly be a walk in the park. I just have to find that certain someone that is a good match for me. Who will be that perfect someone? Who will come into my life, with a song in their heart and love in their eyes? When will it happen? Will I have to search or will he just show up on my doorstep? Oh life... you are tricky.
Strange how having someone in your life is so important. I wonder why it is that I am so content on finding that certain someone. I think because it is something I have never had. Sure, I was in a marriage for 12 years. But it wasn't real. We had some good moments, but I wasn't really loved for who I was and I suppose I didn't equally love my spouse back. It is sad, isn't it? Why does that happen? How is there a spark so strong in the beginning and then it just goes? There were a lot of signs when dating that it wasn't right... but I was very young and didn't quite know what to do.
I know that being in a relationship can be difficult and that you have to make compromises. I understand that it isn't always a walk in the park... but I believe I have the personality for it to truly be a walk in the park. I just have to find that certain someone that is a good match for me. Who will be that perfect someone? Who will come into my life, with a song in their heart and love in their eyes? When will it happen? Will I have to search or will he just show up on my doorstep? Oh life... you are tricky.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Online Dating Sucks
So... my first post might really piss you off... because you are thinking... what the heck? I have accounts on eharmony.com, match.com, ihatebeingsingle.com. And this single awkward vegan just bashed online dating. How can she do that? What the hell is wrong with her?
Well.. I'll tell you what. Tonight I went out with a guy that I met on craigslist. I know what you are thinking. Raise your eyebrows at me... judge me for throwing caution to the wind. But look, I emailed him and asked if he was a craigslist killer and he said no. So, I thought it would be safe. His post said, 38 year old vegan - looking for friendship. We were emailing back and forth. Things were exciting. I even checked my email at work (which is really bending the rules for me, but I did it). It was exciting. I felt like a middle schooler again. Oooo... what did he say today? I have to check. Gross.
So, the plan was to meet tonight. Get a bite to eat and check out a bookstore. Please note that I was very smart and chose a public location, hence my name of single awkward vegan - not single stupid vegan. Good god. Could it have been a more awkward night???? NO!
Am I judgemental? Yes! Do I care about the feelings of another human being? Yes! So, here I was... diagnosing this man that sat across the table from me. He was nice, polite, but extremely awkward. I almost thought he should write this blog. I had to carry the whole conversation, we had nothing in common. What was I thinking? Meeting someone in real life that I had met online? We went to the bookstore. I tried my best to be polite, looked at a few things and then said I had to get home to my kiddos. What are the juicy details? Nothing. Except the fact that I will probably have to change my phone number now.
I feel bad for people that are single. It really sucks. My ex thinks this is some great adventure, being single again. Either he's smoking crack or it's different from the male side of the table. I guess it depends what you are hoping to get out of it..
Well.. I'll tell you what. Tonight I went out with a guy that I met on craigslist. I know what you are thinking. Raise your eyebrows at me... judge me for throwing caution to the wind. But look, I emailed him and asked if he was a craigslist killer and he said no. So, I thought it would be safe. His post said, 38 year old vegan - looking for friendship. We were emailing back and forth. Things were exciting. I even checked my email at work (which is really bending the rules for me, but I did it). It was exciting. I felt like a middle schooler again. Oooo... what did he say today? I have to check. Gross.
So, the plan was to meet tonight. Get a bite to eat and check out a bookstore. Please note that I was very smart and chose a public location, hence my name of single awkward vegan - not single stupid vegan. Good god. Could it have been a more awkward night???? NO!
Am I judgemental? Yes! Do I care about the feelings of another human being? Yes! So, here I was... diagnosing this man that sat across the table from me. He was nice, polite, but extremely awkward. I almost thought he should write this blog. I had to carry the whole conversation, we had nothing in common. What was I thinking? Meeting someone in real life that I had met online? We went to the bookstore. I tried my best to be polite, looked at a few things and then said I had to get home to my kiddos. What are the juicy details? Nothing. Except the fact that I will probably have to change my phone number now.
I feel bad for people that are single. It really sucks. My ex thinks this is some great adventure, being single again. Either he's smoking crack or it's different from the male side of the table. I guess it depends what you are hoping to get out of it..
This little vegan went dating....
Welcome to my world... the world of a single awkward vegan. That's right. Maybe you're here because you are intrigued with the life of a vegan, maybe you are here because you are also awkward, maybe you are here because you are up in the middle of the night surfing the internet - only to find yourself randomly on this page. Well... whoever you are... welcome.
So... who exactly am I? Let's start with who I'm not. I'm not the kind of girl who feel comfortable in a bar (I don't drink), I'm not the girl that can chat it up with anyone she meets, I'm not the girl that has slept with more people than fingers on my hand (in fact, hold up one finger and you've got the right answer), I'm not someone that is thrilled with the idea of being thirty, flirty and fun.
I have amazing children and was married to someone that wanted a life I didn't. We're apart and I am now a single awkward vegan.
I am intelligent, funny (in a very sarcastic way) and don't feel like wasting my time. What choices do I have? Go online to meet a guy? Match.com? Eharmony.com? Well, that's just not good enough. I don't want that to be the way I meet the man of my dreams. So... I am choosing a different path. One without the ridiculous world of online dating.
I'm not sure what will happen, but it is fair to say that I need a place to vent my thoughts. I don't care if you read this, I don't care if you agree with me. I'm writing for all of those wonderful people out there that do not fit the mold. If you are also awkward - I salute you.
So... who exactly am I? Let's start with who I'm not. I'm not the kind of girl who feel comfortable in a bar (I don't drink), I'm not the girl that can chat it up with anyone she meets, I'm not the girl that has slept with more people than fingers on my hand (in fact, hold up one finger and you've got the right answer), I'm not someone that is thrilled with the idea of being thirty, flirty and fun.
I have amazing children and was married to someone that wanted a life I didn't. We're apart and I am now a single awkward vegan.
I am intelligent, funny (in a very sarcastic way) and don't feel like wasting my time. What choices do I have? Go online to meet a guy? Match.com? Eharmony.com? Well, that's just not good enough. I don't want that to be the way I meet the man of my dreams. So... I am choosing a different path. One without the ridiculous world of online dating.
I'm not sure what will happen, but it is fair to say that I need a place to vent my thoughts. I don't care if you read this, I don't care if you agree with me. I'm writing for all of those wonderful people out there that do not fit the mold. If you are also awkward - I salute you.
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